Why Trista Sutter Abruptly Left Special Forces: What You Didn’t See

Trista Sutter‘s exit from Special forces suddenly appeared on TV, but it turns out there was a lot going on behind the scenes that viewers didn’t see in the episode on Wednesday, January 15.

“Coming back from the beach the first day, I was in hypothermic shock. My lips turned blue in the car on the way back. It was bad. I was extremely lethargic,” Sutter, 53, revealed in an exclusive interview with Us Weekly. “It was really scary.”

Not long into Wednesday’s episode, the OG Bachelorette told Special forces soldiers that she wanted to leave. According to Sutter, she realized it was her time to go for a mirror room that didn’t air.

“I wanted to the end. I really did. I wasn’t one to just sign up for the show and get the paycheck on the first day, you know what I mean? I wanted to challenge myself as much as I could and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and the mirror room part of it, I wanted to achieve that, she said. Us. “I thought it would be longer, but because of what happened to me, they pulled me in and I really connected on a human level with Billy [Billingham] and Q [Jovon Quarles].”

Sutter also recalled having contact with trooper Rudy Reyes.

“When I was on the beach, I stopped Rudy and I said, ‘I think I’m going to pass out.’ And he says, ‘Well, what do you want to do?’ I said, ‘I’d love to see a doctor.’ And he says: ‘Well, you can’t, if you see a doctor, you withdraw voluntarily.’ … And he says, ‘I’m sorry, you have to either VW or continue.’ And I’m like, ‘OK, I’m not ready to go home,'” she explained Us. “So I just kept going and he said after the mirror room, ‘I’m really proud of you. I thought you were going to quit on the beach and you didn’t and you kept going and that’s so important and I’m so proud of you.’

Sutter called the validation she received from DS rewarding — and a sign that she may have accomplished what she set out to do on the show, despite her quick exit.

“They saw that I gave one hundred percent – although my one hundred percent was not as great as the professional athletes and Carey HartI did my best,” she continued. “And it meant a lot to me to know that they saw that I gave one hundred percent. I just have so much respect for them and what they have given our country [and] their countries. Connecting with them was really important to me.”

The reality TV personality went into more detail about her decision to leave the show, explaining that she took a long shower to warm up after returning from the beach.

“Before we started filming [again] I saw the number 444 and I believe in angel numbers and guardian angels and God and have tremendous faith and all that,” she said. “I went into it knowing or believing that my guardian angels were kind of watching over me and went to sleep. I woke up to the explosions – we all did – and instantly a peace came over me and thought, ‘You are good. You’ve gotten a lot out of these two days.’ Even if it’s only two days. It was like a lifetime.”

Sutter added that the staff warned her that things would get more difficult if she stayed and progressed on the show.

“And it was already really hard!” she continued. “Meanwhile – running with the pack, which is a third of my body weight – it was really tough. I’ve never been a runner and those were the hard parts, the tasks I was actually quite excited about and thought I did really well good in them, even though I failed technically.”

On the show, Sutter said she didn’t want to be a “burden” to any of her co-stars.

“I wanted to challenge myself, but [not] burden other people to help me,” she shared Us of the remark. “They didn’t have to help me. Golden [Tate] carried my parcel—you could see it in one of the moments at the bridge—he had two parcels on, one of them was mine. And I remember saying to him, ‘I think I’m going.’ He says, ‘Are you sure?’ And mind you, this is where we’re running around trying to get ready to, like, go, go.”

Sutter reiterated that even though she was only on the show for a short stint, it was a very fulfilling experience. She noted that fellow contestant Denise Richards (who was the second recruit to leave) probably felt the same way.

“I have so much respect for what Denise was able to accomplish, and she was the second one to leave,” Sutter said. “Everyone has different purposes for being there. Everyone has their own individual reasons for going, and that doesn’t take anything away from who they are and what they’re trying to achieve.”

Sutter concluded that she regained her “confidence”—as an individual and an athlete—as a result of appearing on the series.

“I learned that I can do hard things if I put my mind to it. And part of me regrets leaving when I did now that I see everything they’ve been through,” she said .” But I just try to remind myself of how I felt at that moment and the peace that came over me, [how I did] challenging myself with the experience and all the people I met, the camaraderie. I try to be grateful for all that, but it’s hard. I would love to wake myself up and say, ‘Yeah, whatever. Screw that piece. Go on!'”

Special forces airs on Fox Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET.